Islam places tremendous importance on the rights of parents, and in several places the Quran commands kindness to parents immediately after commanding the worship of Allah alone. In this article we explore the rights of parents, the virtue of serving them, and the practical etiquette of treating them with kindness.
In Surah Al-Isra, Allah states, "Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. If one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of disrespect, nor repel them, but speak to them a noble word." This verse places the right of parents immediately after the worship of Allah, reflecting its extraordinary importance.
A well-known hadith records a companion asking the Prophet ﷺ which deed is most beloved to Allah. He replied, "Prayer offered at its proper time." The companion asked, "Then what?" He said, "Kindness to parents." The companion asked again, "Then what?" He said, "Jihad in the way of Allah." In this hadith, kindness to parents is placed even before jihad, and right after prayer, reflecting its elevated virtue.
Hadith gives the mother three times greater right to kind treatment compared to the father. In one narration, a man asked who most deserves his good companionship. The Prophet ﷺ replied, "Your mother." He asked again, and received the same reply a second and third time. Only on the fourth question did he say, "Your father." This hadith beautifully conveys the mother's sacrifices and her elevated status.
In a strikingly beautiful hadith, the Prophet ﷺ said that Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers. This means that serving and obeying one's mother is a major means of entering Paradise. Similarly, another narration describes the father as one of the middle gates of Paradise — it is up to the individual whether to waste this gate or preserve it.
The Quran specifically commands gentleness and respect toward elderly parents. At this stage of life, parents require greater attention, patience, and care, just as they once cared for their children in infancy. The Prophet ﷺ expressed severe disappointment for a person who found their parents in old age but failed to secure their own forgiveness through serving them.
Islamic teaching classifies disobedience to parents among the major sins. In one hadith, the Prophet ﷺ mentioned disobedience to parents immediately after associating partners with Allah among the greatest sins. This is proof that mistreatment of parents is regarded as an extremely serious sin in Islam.
The rights of parents do not end with their death. Praying for their forgiveness, giving charity on their behalf, maintaining good relations with their friends, and fulfilling their righteous wishes are also part of their rights. The Prophet ﷺ said that when a person dies, their deeds come to an end except three, one of which is righteous children who pray for them.
Kindness to parents can be shown in several practical ways: speaking to them gently, attending to their needs, respecting their decisions (as long as they do not contradict religion), giving them your time, seeking their counsel, and especially not neglecting their physical and mental care as they age. Raising one's voice or expressing frustration in front of them is also strictly discouraged.
Hadith describes three supplications as being especially close to acceptance: the prayer of the oppressed, the prayer of the traveler, and the prayer of parents for their children. This shows that a parent's prayer — whether for good or ill — carries special weight with Allah, which is why children should always strive to earn their prayers and avoid earning their displeasure.
In today's fast-paced world, especially when children live far away due to employment or education, some practical challenges arise in serving parents. In such situations, staying regularly in touch, calling or video-calling to check on their wellbeing, and visiting whenever possible are also considered important expressions of kindness. Attending to their financial needs is also a responsibility of the children.
Q: Is kindness to non-Muslim parents also obligatory?
A: Yes, Islam commands kindness and gentleness toward non-Muslim parents in worldly matters as well; only in matters of religion should their incorrect guidance not be followed.
Q: What should be done if parents ask something impermissible?
A: Obedience to parents is not required in anything that contradicts religion, but a gentle and respectful attitude toward them should still be maintained.
As individuals marry and start their own families, a common challenge arises in balancing continued devotion to parents with new responsibilities toward a spouse and children. Islamic teaching encourages wisdom and fairness in navigating this balance, ensuring that no party's rights are entirely neglected, while recognizing that circumstances and priorities naturally shift over the course of life.
Not every parent-child relationship is free of difficulty, and some children face genuinely challenging behavior from a parent. Islamic teaching still encourages patience, respect, and gentle treatment in such situations, recognizing that the reward for maintaining kindness under difficult circumstances is even greater than when the relationship is naturally easy and harmonious.
When parents face serious illness or conditions requiring significant care, children are encouraged to arrange the best possible support, whether through personal caregiving, professional home care, or appropriate medical facilities, always ensuring that decisions are made with the parents' dignity, comfort, and wishes given central consideration wherever possible.
Children often unconsciously absorb and later replicate the way their own parents treated grandparents, meaning that the kindness or neglect a person shows their parents frequently becomes the model their own children will eventually apply to them, creating a generational pattern that underscores the importance of setting a positive example in this regard.
Ultimately, the extraordinary emphasis Islam places on kindness to parents reflects a broader recognition of the sacrifices, love, and effort that parents invest in raising their children, encouraging believers to respond to this investment with a lifetime of gratitude, respect, and genuine care in return.
This article is for informational purposes and is based on authentic Islamic teachings.
This article is for general informational purposes based on traditional Islamic teachings and is not a substitute for advice from a qualified religious scholar. See our Disclaimer for details. | ilmejafar.com